秒懂孩子X有效溝通X管教方法
輕鬆化解每一場親子衝突,孩子守紀律有自信!
★謝玉蓮臨床心理師【專文推薦】──從「自我」到「群體」,讓孩子安心去探險
★日本亞馬遜讀者好評推薦,百萬父母最有共鳴的教養經典!
成為父母後,最感挫折的時刻,應該就是當孩子開啟「無限循環任性+耍賴+滾地鬼打牆模式」──在公共場合亂跑亂叫、不守規矩、鬧脾氣、打人、沒大沒小、說謊等行為,被孩子氣到火冒三丈、惹到快爆炸的那些時刻吧?孩子甚至會說出「最討厭媽媽了、我不要跟你好了」等令人傷透心的話語。
雖然我們都不是完美的父母,但為了孩子的安全及未來著想,還是希望孩子能懂事聽話,在成長路上可以一天比一天更好、更成熟。過去權威高壓、大吼大叫的管教方式,對孩子起不了作用,反而會因為在無形中與孩子心靈疏離。
到底「管教」該如何拿捏收放,才能讓孩子發自內心的聽話、親子關係更柔軟呢?
本書作者明橋大二瞭解所有父母在教養問題上的焦慮及徬徨無措,因此以情境漫畫的方式,輕鬆圖解親子在教養上的困境,並強調以培養孩子自我肯定為基礎,針對3~6歲的孩子心靈狀態,剖析孩子的情緒反應其真實內在,為所有的教養疑問提供專業而又溫暖的應對回應。
不打不罵,才能傾聽孩子內心的聲音;
不打不罵,才能真正地化解親子衝突,脫離失控懊悔的教養循環。
■孩子感到「被重視」,是一切管教的源頭
作者在親子諮商過程發現,管教和守規矩的源頭是「重視對方的心」,但是不認為「自己受到重視」的孩子,如何能夠重視別人呢?大多數父母都是用負面的情緒化言言與孩子溝通:
「我沒辦法抱你,我要拿東西!」
「你不覺得你這樣很丟臉嗎?」
「你這個壞毛病不改,我也沒辦法……」
「這個也不要、那個也不要,啊~~~你到底要什麼!?」
「不要邊走邊吃,很醜!」
這些話對孩子來說,都是否定的詞彙,父母不斷重複負面話語,孩子也會漸漸認為「爸媽討厭我、我是沒用的人」,教導孩子規矩是重要的,但是在學會守規矩前,更重要的是培養孩子的「自我肯定感」。
■改變生活小舉動,培養孩子的自我肯定感
孩子不是機器人,並不會因為一兩次的教導馬上就改變,請給孩子多一點時間,也給自己多一點寬容,不要把孩子的所有表現都扛成自己的責任,只要有耐心地依照本書的指導,一定能看到成果,孩子也會朝著好的方向改變。
孩子的成長是漸進式的,每個孩子成長幅度也是快慢有別,所以父母們不需要焦急,只要給對愛,孩子會在正向的管教中健康長大。作者在書中也提出許多生活上小舉動,就能幫助孩子培養自我肯定感:
✓一句「謝謝」就能讓孩子很開心,讚美讓心靈更茁壯
→就算只是簡單的小事也跟孩子說:「謝謝」,就能讓孩子知道自己能幫上別人的忙、別人也需要自己的幫助。
✓常常說「我都知道喔!」跟孩子站在同一陣線,一起開心難過
→「共感」是培養孩子自我肯定感最有效的一種途徑,就算只是單純的理解孩子難過的心情,孩子的心就能得到療癒,擁有力量自己重新站起來
■「中間叛逆期」是為孩子獨立做準備的重要階段
3歲孩子的第一叛逆期結束之後,很快「中間叛逆期」就要開始了。這個階段孩子的特色就是「頂嘴」,也就是「你說A我說B」的狀態,早熟的孩子從5歲就會開始,這也是代表孩子準備獨立的重要階段。面對易怒的孩子,父母更不該和孩子站在同等級上戰鬥,而是要退一步思考「為什麼孩子會這麼煩躁」,作者也提出與孩子有效溝通的三大重點:
重點1:即便覺得孩子做不到,也讓他試試看
「我知道了,那接下來你自己去做喔!」
→或許父母會認為不提醒的話,孩子就不會去做,不過還是耐心等待,如果結果仍失敗,孩子也會因為切身體會而學到了一課。
重點2:孩子嚴重反抗時,要留心孩子的壓力來源
「在幼稚園是不是有碰到討厭的事呢?」
→明明沒有特別干涉孩子,孩子卻嚴重反抗,這時就可以大膽推測,也許孩子在外面有什麼人事物造成他的壓力,或是與老師聯絡,找出問題點。
重點3:用擁抱軟化孩子的心, 千萬不要硬碰硬
「你是很了不起的哥哥,什麼都不用擔心喔!」
→這個階段的孩子雖然想要撒嬌,但是卻因為自尊從中阻撓,孩子也可能變得渾身是刺,因此父母記得不要硬碰硬,而是緊緊抱住孩子,創造獨處的時間,給孩子撒嬌的機會,孩子就會稍微坦誠一點。
【給父母們的教養心靈雞湯】
別被害妄想解讀孩子的言行是「看不起父母、把爸媽當笨蛋耍」,請相信孩子絕對沒有這樣的意圖。
等待孩子成長,先暫時放下有時是必要的。
孩子不聽話,代表他自我意識開始萌芽,也是心靈順利成長的證明。
傾聽孩子、包容孩子,孩子的心情也會隨著自己受到大人珍視,而有所轉變。
其實孩子都知道答案,孩子只是希望不甘心、生氣的心情得到理解。
別為孩子事事包辦,保持恰當的距離感,是親子彼此開始相處的祕訣。
孩子大鬧一場後,別忘了給他一個緊緊的擁抱。
本書特色
★15個管教心法,完整剖析孩子真實內心
圖解孩子反抗、吃醋行為、甚至退化行為,一步步剖析兒童真實心靈與情緒,讓父母不再因為教養問題傷透腦筋。
★10大育兒煩惱,淡定面對孩子的叛逆期
總是質疑自己是否教養失敗的爸媽,從此寬心看待孩子的成長階段。
★6大教養關鍵,有效溝通代替打罵
如何適切的傾聽、理解與讚美,讓家有學齡前幼兒的父母輕鬆看待管教這門功課。
Specifications 規格
Dimensions:14.8 x 20.8 x 1.9 cm | 5.83 x 8.19 x 0.75 in
Contents: 304 pages
Publisher: 和平國際
是否有注音:否
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